Crier Quotes “Am I competitive? Well, the last time I played mini golf, the paramedics were called.” - Winona Ryder Feature Newborn Screaming Throughout Night Making Surprisingly Valid Points COLUMBIA, SC — Was it sleep deprivation or divine intervention? That’s the question local parents Todd and Sylvia Johnson were left wondering Wednesday morning after being kept up the entire night by the screaming of their newborn baby. Despite having never uttered a coherent word, the two-week-old embarked on an overnight marathon of impassioned monologues, making some surprisingly valid points. Reports suggest that the newborn's hours-long tirade covered a wide variety of topics, including climate change, the concept of time, and the inherent meaninglessness of existence. "Initially, we thought she was just hungry," Sylvia admitted, still in a state of disbelief. "But then, baby girl started expounding on the flaws in modern capitalism and the ethical implications of technological advancements. Honestly, it was both enlightening and slightly unsettling.” The Johnsons say their little girl capped her solo symposium with a giant poo.
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Crier Quotes “Am I competitive? Well, the last time I played mini golf, the paramedics were called.” - Winona Ryder Feature Newborn Screaming Throughout Night Making Surprisingly Valid Points COLUMBIA, SC — Was it sleep deprivation or divine intervention? That’s the question local parents Todd and Sylvia Johnson were left wondering Wednesday morning after being kept up the entire night by the screaming of their newborn baby. Despite having never uttered a coherent word, the two-week-old embarked on an overnight marathon of impassioned monologues, making some surprisingly valid points. Reports suggest that the newborn's hours-long tirade covered a wide variety of topics, including climate change, the concept of time, and the inherent meaninglessness of existence. "Initially, we thought she was just hungry," Sylvia admitted, still in a state of disbelief. "But then, baby girl started expounding on the flaws in modern capitalism and the ethical implications of technological advancements. Honestly, it was both enlightening and slightly unsettling.” The Johnsons say their little girl capped her solo symposium with a giant poo.